My brother is my best friend. Lie for. Cry for. Die for. Period.
With that said, I have heard that saying, "you can't choose your family.", but I still can't understand how siblings who grew up in the same home, don't really cut for one another like that. Much less, even be friends. Sure my brother and I fought when we were kids. What brothers haven't had a fight, but it never got to a point where there was any love lost.
My boy, Smoke has two brothers. (he is the middle child, 4yrs apart from each brother) When Smoke got married, his college roommate was the best man, one of his brothers was a groomsman and the other brother was at the wedding, but didn't go to the reception. It was this event that got me baffled about siblings being friends.
Can any one out there maybe share a story or situation to help me to understand why some siblings (that grew up together) aren't friends?
Comment from KO...
ReplyDeleteWell, Sid...I agree with you about your siblings being your friends. My brother and I are very close, and we have our own way of communicating. (Remember my brother is hearing-impaired.) When I come home, we hang out together or we just enjoy being around each other. When we were younger, we had our fights, but at the end of the day we were still brother and sister.
With your friend Smoke, I can understand his situation a little. It has been said that families with odd number of siblings tend to have problems bonding with each other. For instance, he has an older brother-so he was bonding with his parents and probably enjoyed being an only child. Then, Smoke comes into the picture, and now the older brother has to learn to share. The attention is taken away from him, and he has to adjust to a new environment. Maybe he begins to form a relationship with Smoke or maybe not. From there you have the baby brother who has entered the picture. Now you have a repeated cycle. The baby brother receives all the attention, and everyone wants to be around the "baby" boy. The middle child may feel slightly abandoned because growing up he did not have the "alone" time with mom and dad because he had an older brother that had the time to share "alone" time with his parents. Then when the baby boy comes the attention is on him at that point. When the siblings are older there may be some type of competition between all of them; whether it is athletic, academic, or just competiting for the attention of mom and dad. Therefore, as they get older, they do not have the friendship or ability to bond as most siblings. One may want to reach out to the other and so forth, but pride can sometimes get in the way.
Sorry so long, but I wanted to share my insight!
I'm the oldest, and my brother and I are 18 mos apart. From the very beginning, there was a sibling rivalry fueled by our parents. I can only say that with hindsight. My brother and I fought like cats and dogs. Mainly instigated by me. I can always remember my mother saying how he was SO smart, and so good, and I was her busy body. I didnt know it at the time, but it affected me negatively. My parents didnt mean to, but it happened. However, my mother is the oldest of 6. They are all very close and she has constantly reminded us how important the bond between siblings are. She'd say, "Your brother is all you've got in this world after me and daddy are gone. I want you two to be close."
ReplyDeleteShe'd say it after a knockdown dragout fight, or just waking up in the am...and it stuck. One day, I just apologized for all the mean hurtful things I did as a child, and he did too and we have been thick as thieves since. In fact, he is like my other half. No one will ever know me like my brother. So I think, when siblings don't and can't get along, its by choice and its a choice, that in one way or another has been deemed acceptable by family. In my house, it was not. Much respect.